Friday, August 2, 2013

OCD: A Line

I recently had an opportunity come up to do something. But, what it ultimately came down to was my OCD made it feel too hard for me to do the thing I wanted to do. (I know I'm being vague, but I have reason for it.)

Anyway, my OCD doesn't cause me to feel that sad very often, as I'm used to it and I still live a very blessed life in many ways. However, once in a while, something big will come along that I miss out on because I allow OCD to get in the way. Some things I miss out on are beyond my control, but some aren't. Overall, I know I allow it to keep me from so many things I want to do (big and small), places I want to go, and people I want to see.

I have gotten healthier OCD-wise compared to 2 years ago, but I still have a long ways to go to get where I want to be.

At times, going from OCD to freedom feels so close, yet so far away. In regards to the chains I have around me in regards to my self-doubt, I have noticed that there is a line (of a sort) between extreme OCD and freedom. It's a line that, when I feel comfortable enough to cross over, my life changes dramatically. It's not that the freedom side is easy. It's not. It's very, very hard, but it's worth it. I have crossed that line before. The line is so close that I can touch it, yet it's not easy to cross because it feels scary. But, God is with me
(Isaiah 41:10) . It's not a line I feel I can put one foot over and take small steps across it. It's an all-or-nothing type of line. The baby steps have already led me close to the line. The line is where a leap of faith comes into play.

I am at a point where I could take a big step (or hop, jump, or leap) out in faith, but it's not just the OCD that makes it difficult for me to do it. I've also been struggling with something physical since 2009 that has gotten more extreme and it makes me worry about being back out on my own. The doctors haven't found anything serious physically, but it does affect my life in major ways. It has been a huge adjustment from what my lifestyle was like previously. My worries about my physical difficulties have hindered me from pushing myself harder OCD-wise.

I have God to depend on every moment of every day. I am thankful for that. Taking the leap of faith over that line would push me into even greater dependence on Him. I would be leaning on Him more for things I lean on other(s) for right now.

As I was typing something to a friend recently, I realized that the word INDEPENDENCE is made up of the words IN and DEPENDENCE. It fits together well in my eyes because a lot of my so-called "independence" is going to come once I step out in faith in a big way while living IN DEPENDENCE on God.

I have been working on the above blog post off-and-on over the past few weeks or so. This week, I came across the following quote:
"Whenever you step across the line of faith, everything changes in an instant." - Craig Groeschel

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nor do I work in the health field. I am not an expert in anything faith-related, nor do I work in a faith-related area. The things I write are things I've learned and/or things I believe. I learned them from sermons, Bible teacher(s), Bible study, life, and/or etc. I take things I've learned and see how I believe they could be applied to OCD based on my experiences, etc. with OCD. I am not saying to use any of the things on this blog as treatment. Maybe you'll find some things in my blog posts to help you on top of whatever treatment method(s) you have chosen/choose to use or not use for your OCD, but you do so at your own risk. I am not responsible for any of your choices, actions, decisions. I am not responsible for any of your results, nor your lack of results. I have read something similar or the same as this in the past from a Bible teacher: If anything I ever write doesn't line up with God's Word, please throw it out.


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